His expression hardened.
“You made me look terrible.”
“No, Ryan. You did that yourself.”
Several weeks later, he came to the old house for his first full visit.
Luna played beneath the activity gym. Soleil slept nearby. Bodhi rested against Ryan’s chest.
“I can help now,” Ryan said quietly.
“Helping is optional. Parenting is not.”
He looked around the warm, imperfect house.
“Is there any chance for us?”
“No.”
The answer came more easily than I expected.
After he left, my mother joined me on the porch.
“Do you regret leaving?”
I listened to my three babies beginning to stir inside.
“No. I regret how long I believed that keeping my family together required me to lose myself.”
Ryan had taken a beach vacation because he believed I had not earned the right to rest.
While he was gone, I created a life in which I would never again need his permission to breathe.
